The Nature of the Beast

by Sara on March 11, 2010

Photograph by Sara B. Healy

This article was difficult to write because I have spent years focusing on what’s positive in my life. Despite this, I recognize that there is both a light and a dark side to the web of life.

I was reminded of this dark side recently when I ran into an old friend and was shocked by his appearance. He looked like a shell of his old self. We had lunch and he shared his story.

A few years ago he’d met someone he considered to be the “woman of his dreams.” She made him believe in love again.

The Emotional Predator Feeds on You

After their marriage things began to change. She found fault with his friends and family members until they slowly disappeared from his life.

She complained about anything from the clothes he wore to how he looked. He lost confidence and stopped defending himself. Their life revolved around only what she needed or wanted to do.

This woman eventually left him for someone else after having taken most of his money, as well as his spirit. He looked shell-shocked; the life had been drained from him.

I didn’t say it then, but I knew what had happened. He had encountered what I call the “toxic vampire”; something I too have experienced.

Abusive Personality Traits

A toxic vampire drains the emotional energy from you. They aren’t always love interests; they can also be a friend, co-worker or family member.

How do you know if you’ve encountered a toxic vampire? I’m no expert, but from my perspective, toxic vampires have certain personality traits:

Larger than life personalities make them attractive.

To some degree these people fit the narcissistic personality. They have a great need for attention and believe the world revolves around them. Their inflated sense of self-importance makes them appear highly self-assured and confident.

They lack empathy but are skilled at faking it.

Initially, they will make you feel you are the center of their universe. They can be very loving but only for short periods of time. When things start to fall apart they take no responsibility and feel no compassion for the other person.

They have many characteristics of the “toxic personality.”

Dr. John Lewis Lund, author of “How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing with Toxic and Difficult to Love Personalities,” describes these personalities:

“A toxic personality is one you cannot please. He or she is incapable of giving total acceptance. YOU WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH. They dangle acceptance like a carrot on a string. The person who wants to be accepted and appreciated can never quite reach the carrot because toxic people only give partial acceptance.”

They will do anything to get their way, including emotionally abusing people.

The difference between the general toxic personality and the toxic vampire is that the toxic vampire goes beyond “partial acceptance.” If they don’t get their way they will reject and hurt the person perceived as blocking them. They may become abusive, perhaps not physically, but emotionally.

Awareness Supports Healing

There are more characteristics than I have listed here. I encourage you to share any knowledge you have of this personality type to support other readers.

My friend is back with his family and friends and is slowly healing. He has the support of positive energy that will replace what was sucked out of him, but it will take time.

Most importantly, he has accepted that he was more than a victim. He allowed the toxic vampire to use him. Accepting this wasn’t easy, but his understanding may save him from a similar situation in the future. He has taken back control over his life.

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny. ~ Albert Ellis

What About You?

Have you ever encountered a toxic vampire or known someone who has? If so, how did you deal with this experience?

What recommendations would you give to others to avoid a toxic vampire?

I welcome you to provide information about suggested reading on this topic. Please add it to your comments.

Suggested Readings

Two blogger friends have published an excellent book that touches on this same subject. Lori of Think Like a Black Belt and Betsy of Passing Thru co-authored, The Narcissist: A User’s Guide, which covers almost everything you can think of about the narcissistic personality. Also, did I mention that it’s a free download? It is and I highly recommend that you check this book out.

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Picture Story: I’ve Got a Secret

by Sara on March 8, 2010

Photograph by Sara B. Healy

TV Game Show

When I was growing up, my parents used to watch a TV game show called, “I’ve Got a Secret?” In this show, which was similar to “What’s My Line?” a celebrity panel tried to guess the “secret” of a contestant, through asking “Yes” or “No” questions.

Secrets ranged from astounding, funny, embarrassing or strange. They usually involved something the person either did for their work or as a hobby, something they had accomplished or something that happened to them sometime in their life.

Celebrity Guest

My favorite part of this game show featured a “celebrity guest.” In this game, celebrities would come on the show,introduce themselves and then say, “and this is I’ve got a Secret!” Then the panelists had to use “yes” or “no” questions to discover the celebrity’s secret.

What made this part all the more fun was that the celebrities often shared real personal secrets about themselves or something they were going to do. My sister, brother and I played along and tried to guess the celebrity’s secret.

When I saw this picture I took of a bird hiding in the bushes, I was reminded of this TV show. It does look like the bird has a secret to tell. I thought this might a fun picture challenge.

Picture Story Challenge

Your challenge today is to make up the celebrity “secret” this little bird is hiding. In doing this, I’m going to change the rules of the original game show just a little.

In this case, your celebrity is disguised as this little bird. You don’t have to worry about asking “yes” or “no” questions. All you have to do is answer the following two questions and leave your answers in the comment box:

What celebrity is this little bird?

You can use a known celebrity or make up one of your own. If you choose to make up one, in addition to the name, be sure you say what makes this person a celebrity.

What secret is this celebrity hiding?

Remember the secret should be something amazing, funny, embarrassing or strange that the celebrity has experienced in his or her life. Again, feel free to use your imagination about this “secret.” Just keep it PG rated:~)

As always, have fun, be creative and enjoy:~)

Post Scriptum:~)

Tell the Truth

In my last post, My Distinguished Award, I challenged you to find the three things that were NOT true about me. Between all the comments, at least two of the false statements were identified, but no one got all three. As I know you’re just “waiting with bated breath” for the truth to come out, here are the three things that are not true about me:

3.  I once won a hula hoop contest and because of this, got to meet Michael Landon (Little Joe) of Bonanza fame. While not true, as a young girl, I did actually see Michael Landon in my hometown airport. I thought he was such a “hunk!” However, as he was carefully guarded by some very BIG men, I didn’t dare approach him for an autograph.

6.  When I was 15, I made a dress and won a sewing contest. In this case, I did make a dress in Home Economics, which we had wear to wear to school one day. However, mine was so bad that it started to come undone during the school day and they had to call my mom to bring me some other clothes for me to wear:~)

10.  When I was five, a movie was made in my home town and I was selected to be one of the extras. This one doesn’t even have a story behind it…it’s just a bald-faced lie:~)

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My Distinguished Award

by Sara on March 4, 2010

YouTube Preview Image

Guess what? Someone thinks I’m a Kreativ Blogger! YEAH. Come join me in the celebration! And if anyone can get us in the mood, it’s Kool and the Gang!! So, start the video, get up from your chair and do a little dance. Come on, it’s FUN:~)

Kreativ Blogger Award

I’ve just received this award  from my new friend, Shay, of both Word Garden and Objets D’art. Shay is a wonderful poet and features her poetry on her site, Word Garden. It is beautiful, touching, witty and downright funny; a combination I simply cannot resist:~)

Her other site, Objets D’art, is best described in the subtitle:

“Reflections from a life devoted to elegance and beauty. Also, the wisdom of Bill Cosby, whose spirit lives inside my toaster.”

How can you resist a subtitle like this? This site features a diverse group of characters who are as funny as they are elegant. I highly recommend that you visit one or both of these sites!

New Rules to Challenge You

As part of receiving this award, you are supposed to list seven “interesting” things about yourself. Having received this award before, I thought it would be fun to change the game around a bit; to give you something challenging. I’m exercising my ‘Kreativ’ personality, plus… you know how I like a challenge:~)

Therefore, I am listing 10 things; seven of which are true and three are not. I’m challenging you to pick the three that are NOT true.

Whether or not you deem any of these things interesting… well, that’s up to you:~)

A Little About Me

Which three of the following do you think are not true?

  1. On my 13th birthday, instead of a cake, I had a watermelon with candles .
  2. When I was a kid, I jumped into an empty swimming pool and knocked myself out.
  3. I once won a hula hoop contest and because of this, got to meet Michael Landon (Little Joe) of Bonanza fame.
  4. My second toe is longer than my first, which according to legend means I’m bossy. Who me?
  5. I was once featured on The Weather Channel.
  6. When I was 15, I made a dress and won a sewing contest.
  7. I got lost in Pompeii, Italy with no money, no passport and was rescued by a very handsome Italian.
  8. As a kid, I participated in cattle roundups and drives on horseback.
  9. I was kicked out of the London Ritz Hotel for wearing “inappropriate” clothing.
  10. When I was five, a movie was made in my home town and I was selected to be one of the extras.

Award Nominations

Another rule for receiving the Kreativ Blogger Award is to nominate seven other bloggers for the award.

Hmm. One interesting fact about me that I DIDN’T put on the above list is that I don’t like to follow rules!

Therefore, instead of seven people, I am nominating three for this award. All three bloggers are relatively new to my site, as I am to theirs. However, I think their sites are very “Kreativ” and they deserve this award.

To be perfectly honest, I have a second motive for their nomination: I’m curious and hope to entice them to share more about themselves.

So, without further adieu, here are my Kreativ Blogger Award Nominees:

Keith at Easy Public Speaking
Hilary of Positive Letters…Inspirational Stories
Josh of World’s Strongest Librarian

Do visit their sites. I think you’ll greatly enjoy the variety of topics as well as the humor:~)

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Picture Story: Ask and Answer

by Sara on March 1, 2010

Picture A

I’m lazy

It’s an absolutely beautiful day where I’m at. The sun is out and it’s almost warm.

Now, I’m not trying to make those of you shoveling a new pile of snow off your walkway jealous, but this is the kind of day that hollers, “Come outside.”

It’s the kind of day that begs you to play and well, I like to play:~)

So, I’m putting up this post and then I’m playing hooky the rest of the day!

Picture Story Challenge

Here’s your challenge today.

Use at least one of the pictures included in this post. Make up your own question about the picture and answer it.

Be sure you indicate the picture you used and include BOTH your question and your answer in the comment box.

Oh, if you see a question that someone else asked that’s perfect for you to answer, go for it! Just be sure you to say whose question you are answering in your comment.

Extra Credit

If you want extra credit, you tell why you chose a particular picture or ask and answer more than one picture!

Picture B

Picture C

As always, have fun, be creative and enjoy:~)

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Romancing the Happy Ending

by Sara on February 25, 2010

iStock_000005852895XSmallCome a little closer.

No, that’s still too far away.

There’s something I want to tell you and only you.

I have a confession to make.

Please do not judge me too harshly!

You see, it’s all Davina’s fault.

She started it and now I must make this confession.

So, lend me your ear because I want to tell you that I …

Just adore reading romance novels:~)

A Novel Approach to Happiness

Some might say romance novels have too much loving and too little literary merit, but that’s not the purpose of my confession. I love romance novels because they always have good endings.

They’re kind of like Hershey’s Kisses. You know what you’re going to get and it usually makes you feel good.

A dialogue in a recent romance novel captured my attention. It’s at the end where the characters “live happily ever after.” In this book the author has a rather philosophical take on happiness.

The hero, Aidan, is responding to a question from his new wife, Eve, about whether or not there’s such a thing as “happily ever after”. Aidan answers as follows:

“No,” he said. “There is something infinitely better than living happily ever after. There is happiness. Happiness is a living, dynamic thing, Eve, and has to be worked on every moment for the rest of our lives. It is a far more exciting prospect than that silly static idea of happily ever after. Would you not agree?”

These lines sum up my belief in happiness better than most of the textbooks I’ve read on the subject. This got me thinking about what else romance novels have to say about happiness. Turns out, I think these books have features that are important to learning happiness. For example:

Happiness Thrives with Positive Thinking

In most romance novels the main characters have to let go of their doubts, fears or anger before they can truly be happy with the one they love.

This is also true about happiness. Negative thinking makes it very hard to be happy. Just as these characters do, we have to choose to let go of our own fears and doubts to experience happiness more often.

Happiness Needs to Be Acknowledged

Characters in a romance novel spend a lot of time being afraid to declare their love. However, by the end of the book they usually acknowledge their true feelings.

Happiness also requires recognition and acknowledgment; we must be willing to declare our happiness. By acknowledging it openly, we teach our minds to recognize it and file it as something important and valuable.

Happiness Requires Faith

Every romance novel has a time when one or both characters lose hope in their future happiness. Usually, there’s a situation or problem that seems insurmountable. Once resolved, however, their happiness prevails in the end.

There are times when we lose hope in our future happiness. This may be one of the hardest lessons we have to learn; having the faith that happiness is always a part of us, even when we think we will never be happy again.

I believe the characters in romance novels aren’t that different from you or me. They are seeking happiness and love, and they usually find it because they make an effort to work at it.

I think the same can be said about us; we also must work for happiness. This isn’t always easy, but it can be done.

Once again, Aidan’s words to Eve say it best…

“Happiness is a living, dynamic thing and it has to be worked on every moment for the rest of our lives.”

I believe Aidan’s got the right idea. Would you not agree?

P.S. Just in case you’re also a “secret lover” of romance books, the lines in this post about happiness were excerpted from a novel by Mary Balogh called “Slightly Married”.

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A Picture Story Guest Post

by Sara on February 22, 2010

Into the Diary SHB (1)

Today, I have a special treat for you: Tony Single of Trottersville has agreed to do a guest post on my blog. YEAH!

Tony is an illustrator and a cartoonist. He and his wife Cassy are the creators of Trottersville. When I found their blog, I immediately fell in love with his humorous cartoons and wonderful illustrations, but there’s more.

Tony is also a a very witty writer. These links highlight some of my favorite posts; they’re funny, inspirational, daring and educational. He will crack you up and make you think:~) Even Cassy gets into the writing sometimes.

I know you will enjoy this post and Tony’s challenge. I also hope that you will take the time to visit Trottersville. It will be a visit you will not regret. Okay, enough of my talk. Let’s get to the challenge!

Tony’s Picture Story Challenge

First of all, I would like to thank Sara for having me here. I enjoy her wonderful blog and am thrilled to be associated with it in this way!

About me? Well, I am an artist. I have been ever since I could hold a crayon. There’s nothing quite like drawing one’s feelings out on a blank sheet of paper. I love paper’s neutrality; it doesn’t judge you for having feelings. And it waits patiently for you to express them.

When Sara invited me to guest here, I thought the above illustration would make a good picture story challenge.

This is a sketch that I drew some time ago for a story I was formulating. Ultimately the story didn’t work out, but still I was left with a series of scribbles that evoke something in me to this very day. And this one is my favourite.

I coloured it in Photoshop and emailed it to Sara for my guest post. You can tell that I have some way to go before I become even vaguely proficient with colour! However, Sara liked it very much.

The Challenge

As this is a Picture Story Challenge, then I should pose to you, gentle reader, a few questions about this illustration. It isn’t easy coming up with questions because I know exactly what lies behind the lines, hues and shapes of this piece! However, I am curious about what you will see.

Still, you don’t want to see me stalling and, so here are the questions…

  • What’s on this chap’s mind?
  • What is this chap’s name? What is the meaning behind his name?
  • Who is this “Lamia” that he is referring to? What is their association?

Using Sara’s comment box, you can choose one question to answer or answer them all.

I hope you will enjoy this challenge and I welcome you to come and visit me sometime at Trottersville!

~ Tony

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Sure Beats Talking to Myself

by Sara on February 18, 2010

RobertoMeet Roberto …he’s “hot stuff!”

Roberto is my new space heater. I carry him back and forth from my bathroom to my office regularly. He keeps me warm during these crazy cold Florida days we’ve been having lately.

Many of you who have been digging yourself out of snow are probably laughing at my audaciousness of calling Florida’s winter COLD. Nevertheless, I am a Florida native; I can take the heat, but not the cold:~)

So, Roberto is my best friend right now and I enjoy talking to him.

I don’t just talk to myself

I talk to objects quite a bit. I don’t know whether I talk to them because I just enjoy talking to them, or this is my way of justifying how I talk to myself. Then again, this is likely to be the proverbial “chicken and egg” scenario.

Some people believe that if you talk to yourself you might be just a wee bit crazy. Go figure. This creates a dilemma for those of us who have a need to hear our own voices; mind you, the emphasis is on “our own” as opposed to “plural”.

We need to explain our behavior so we won’t be dragged off in a straitjacket. My answer is to humanize objects. I also talk to the dog, the cat and my birds; that’s normal talk, right?

Creating characters is creative fun

My crazy talk happens during those times I carry on conversations with normal everyday objects; the space heater, the toaster, the microwave and numerous other inanimate objects that live in my house.

JC often laughs about the fact that I create characters in objects. However, as his home office is next to mine, his laughter turns into a stern reminder that “silence is golden” when I’m having a conversation with one of my object friends, like Roberto.

To tell the truth, I like that I talk to objects and make them into characters. I don’t think this is crazy, but rather a way for me to play with my creativity.

As children, we often believed we could talk to our dolls, stuffed animals and other toys. They comforted us and let us do something adults often forget; to PRETEND and PLAY. I know Roberto is not a real person, but I have fun playing like he is.

What about you?

Do you talk to objects around your house or see faces in things?

How do you play with your creativity?

What gets your creative juices flowing?

P.S. I want to thank Patty of Why Not Start Now? for triggering my thoughts about how I “play” in her wonderful post about the importance of play.

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Picture Story: A Cardinal Talks

by Sara on February 15, 2010

what-would-I-say-to-youPhotograph by Sara B. Healy

Bird Talk

I took this picture during the summer of a fledgling cardinal and every time I look at it, I laugh. There’s something about his expression that cracks me up. He is in the process of molting, which is why he’s missing a few feathers here and there.

He may not look it, but this is one smart bird, which leads me to your challenge for today.

Take the Challenge

Let’s pretend that our little cardinal is fluent in languages. Let’s say in addition to his native language, he also speaks English and speaks much better than any parrot:~)

So, take another look at him and then answer this challenge question:  What do you think he’s going to say next?

Here are some other questions you can consider answering in addition to the challenge question or in place of it.

  • What’s secret is he about to tell?
  • What’s your favorite type of bird and I mean the ones that fly. Oops, did I really say that:~)
  • What question did you really want to answer that I didn’t include? Go for it! Write your own question and answer it in the comment box.

Have fun, be creative and enjoy:~)

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Anti-Valentine’s Day

by Sara on February 11, 2010

Couples-OnlyDay of Love

This Sunday is Valentine’s Day, the “day of love.” For some, a much anticipated day of flowers, candy and pretty cards; for others it’s a day to stay in bed and pull the covers over their head.

A couple of years ago, I wrote a post about Valentine’s Day and how difficult this holiday can be if you are single; it is after all, a holiday marketed for couples.

For singles, this holiday doesn’t just ignore you, it slams your face into the importance of “coupledom”; that belief that we all must be WITH someone or we’re NOT someone.

Anti Protest

Well, there are some who are fighting back. There’s an anti-protest against Valentine’s Day, appropriately called ANTI-VALENTINE’S DAY. This movement is gaining momentum – even the card making industry is getting into it, which is kind of scary since they helped start Valentine’s Day:~)

I found it interesting and fun to check this movement out. One of my first visits was to YouTube, where I can always find a clever video about any subject. While I found lots of videos about Anti-Valentine’s Day, I had to screen my selection to keep the PG rating on my site:~)

YouTube Preview Image

A Funny Site

I also found an interesting anti-Valentine’s Day promotion on a funny site that’s a favorite of mine called, Despair.com. The site calls itself “Creators of Demotivation” and it’s known for giving motivational sayings, uplifting messages and even holidays a slightly skewed, but funny twist.

They have an Anti-Valentine’s day offering called Bittersweets. You should check it out, but don’t take it too seriously:~) Here’s a quote from their promotion:

For most, there is no crueler day of the calendar year than that of Valentine’s Day. While a tiny fraction of the population can look forward to a holiday of wine and roses, poetry and song, the vast majority of us can anticipate a day of nausea and grimacing, trauma and grief. ~ Despair.com

Couples Only?

Unfortunately, like most “anti” anything, the Anti-Valentine’s Day movement has a lot of frustration and anger in it. While I appreciate the humor, I’m not promoting getting angry about this day or trashing being in a relationship.

What I am saying, however, is that we’ve allowed this day to become anti-single, rather than a day about love. Love doesn’t mean you have to be a “couple” and Valentine’s Day should not be for couples only. In the post I wrote two years ago, I ended it with these words:

“It’s nice to be with someone special, but if you’re not, it doesn’t mean you don’t have loving relationships or that you can’t enjoy being by yourself. We don’t need other people to complete us; we need them to complement us.”

I still believe these words. So, this Valentine’s Day, whether you’re in a relationship or not, enjoy the “day of love.” Appreciate the good things in your life and show your love for the people you care about, including yourself. That’s the best way to say, “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

* Re: Header Illustration — I used free clip art from the Big Box of Art and Photoshop to create this illustration.

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Picture Story: Revealed Secrets

by Sara on February 8, 2010

what-is-itThere will be no challenge today. I figure after all the contests and challenges I’ve been running,you might need a break:~)

The Truth

Last week I showed you the above picture and challenged you to figure out what it is before I dosed it with Photoshop.

Today, the truth comes out along with revealed secrets.

First, I have to apologize for the mistake in my hints about what this object is. There was a lot of confusion about the fifth clue, “Some people live in them, but they’re not safe when the weather isn’t right.

Actually, you can’t live in this object unless you’re a very small insect and you take anti-dizziness medicine:~)

However, the object does have the same name as something you do live in, which is very dangerous in bad weather conditions like hurricanes and tornadoes.

And the Winner Is

Many of you who left comments were sooooo close! Several suggested windmills — Patty, Tony and Hilary. Others like Jannie and talon thought it was something to do with birds and Belinda, SuZen and Barbara thought a lighthouse was a good choice.

Peggy said it was a “whirlygig thingamagig,” which I loved and was very close! Jonathan declared he was “lost in the sauce” and Gerri just liked the picture. Last, but not least, Desk49 thought it was a copper box.

But no one, except Mike Goad, answered the challenge correctly. I congratulate him on this because it was evidently rather difficult:~)

Because I knew what the object was, all my hints seemed obvious to me. Therefore, I expected everyone to get this challenge with no problem.

This proves a very important literary lesson: What an author may think is very, very clear may not be clear at all to the reader.

Next time I do something like this, I promise to make the hints a bit easier and to check them out with other people before I put up the post.

The Unveiling

So, here goes the unveiling, starting backwards and I will tell which filters (in caps) I used to alter the original picture:

Remove-Some-Twirl

If I remove the TWIRL and then…

Quiet-the-Wind

Stop the WIND from blowing as well as…

Put-Out-the-Glowing Edges

Hide the GLOWING EDGES and…

Remove-the-Sun-solarize

Avoid  SOLARIZING the picture, you will end up with….

It's-a-Wind Mobile

My new Wind Mobile!

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