This is a picture of Florida snow.  Well, it’s not actually SNOW and you’d get into a lot of trouble if you started shoveling it.

As a matter of fact, it gets quite warm even in the winter.   This snow is found in the beaches of North Florida.  It covers magnificent sand dunes and nurtures sea oats that gently bend their heads in the breeze.

Tomorrow, I’ll be frolicking in this Florida snow.  And instead of frozen lakes to skate on, I’ll have the warm waters of the Gulf of Mexico to slide through on a boogie board (if I dare!).

I’ll listen to the relaxing sound of waves breaking on the white sandy shores and watch dolphins leap in air.

This is my soul place.

This is where I go to recharge my life. It’s where I get to be a beach bum with no commitments and no responsibilities other than rest and relaxation – at least for a week.

I’m telling you this so you know I’ll be away from my post, just in case you come to visit.

In the meantime, I leave you with some interesting places I came across on my Internet travels.  Both are GOOD places to visit during these hectic days.

BBIAF, or for those of us who struggle with Instant Messaging, this means Be Back In A Flash!

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HelpOthers.org

I ran across an absolutely wonderful site that’s perfect for the holidays and gift giving.  Actually, it’s good for any time of the year!  I recommend you check it out.  You won’t regret it.

Look around the site, there’s lots to see.  Read the heart-warming stories of acts of kindness and check out the Smile Cards.  These are really cool cards given in a form of pay-it-forward tag.

The idea is do something anonymously to make someone smile or feel good and then you leave the Smile card.  The person you “tagged” is then encouraged to take the card and do the same to another person.  Hopefully, more acts of kindness will follow with the each card you or someone else gives.

I think this is a wonderful site to remind us of the real meaning of the holiday season.

Learning Meditation: The Meditation Room

Given that the holidays also can be physically and mentally stressful, I’ve found a very interesting site entitled, Learning Meditation, which includes The Meditation Room.

When you go to the Meditation room you can chose among 17 brief meditations.  You can listen to these gentle meditations while sitting at your desk or in a chair near your computer.

They range in time from a little over two minutes to ten minutes in length and cover a variety of topics.  I’ve tried several including: Soothing Mediation, Peace and Serenity, Reducing Stress and Discover your Inner Guide.  All were well done. They were clear and easy to follow with gentle, quiet music.

It’s a perfect place to visit when you’re feeling overwhelmed with holiday activities.

I hope you enjoy these sites.

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Have you finished your holiday shopping?  I haven’t.  I ventured out to a mall the other day without realizing there was a special sale going on.  The place was packed with frantic shoppers and PATIENCE was in short supply.

I found myself responding the same way, and hurried to find my gifts, afraid that someone might get to them before I did.  I spent three hours in that mall and was miserable the whole time.  It was definitely not my idea of a memorable holiday experience.

And I still wasn’t done; there was grocery shopping to do.  Because I had exhausted myself, I didn’t have the energy to continue fighting the hectic atmosphere of this rapidly approaching holiday.  This turned out to be a very good thing.

Because I wasn’t fighting, I found it easy to…

Let someone take a parking space near the store while I parked in the back and walked.

Let the woman with two young children and a full cart go ahead of me at the checkout counter.

Smile and have a friendly conversation with the cashier.

Consequently, as I left the grocery store I realized that I felt GOOD and even energized.

I had given something of myself to others and in return, my frustration and stress dissipated; all because of these very simple acts of kindness!

A friend of mine told me I had opened my heart chakra, which governs giving, caring, and compassion.  These are all things I WANT to associate with the holidays, but often get lost in the busyness of the season.

What if more of us did this? What if we focused our energy on being kind and caring to the people around us, instead of rushing around frantically, feeling stressed during the holidays?

What if we chose to give the gift of an open heart?

Mind you, this is an easy gift to give. It doesn’t need to be bought or wrapped.  You can give it freely every day. Here are some examples of how you might give the gift of an open heart.

Take the time to smile and speak kindly to people around you. A smile and kind word to a stranger can go a long way in making their day better.

Be patient when others are not. Yield to impatient holiday drivers. Let them into your lane. It’s not going to slow you down that much and it’s a lot safer.

When someone needs to talk, really listen to what they’re saying. Don’t give advice; just let them talk and ask them open-ended questions, like “What do you want to do about…?”

Give someone a really good bear hug. Physical touch can often relieve stress and help someone relax.

Make someone laugh. Laughter is one of the best ways to alleviate frustration, anger and tension.

These are simple suggestions, and I’m sure you have some of your own.  Giving the gift of an open heart is a perfect way to celebrate the holidays.  It’s the gift that gives back.  By nurturing people around you, you nurture yourself.

I welcome you to comment and share how you are giving the gift of your heart this holiday season.

Sara

Happy Holidays!!!

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A few days ago, I wrote a post entitled, Just Say NO: It’s a Healthy Thing to Do.  After a friend read it, she commented that I should write a follow-up post about the importance of saying YES.

She rightly pointed out that saying NO will set your boundaries but learning how (and when) to say YES can expand them.  And both are important.

Saying YES helps you avoid being boxed in by limiting beliefs about what you are capable of or what’s expected of you.  It empowers you to make positive choices and take positive action towards living a fulfilling life.

The son of a friend of mine chose to say YES to a new career.  After many years of working in accounting, he chose to leave this well-paying and comfortable job because he discovered it really wasn’t what he wanted to do.

He was good at accounting, but he’d always wanted to work with troubled kids. So, he decided to become a school counselor.  Needless to say, making this decision required major changes in his life.

How would he support himself?  How would he deal with the troubled kids?  Would he like the work? Even with all these questions, he said YES to his dream. He went back to school, got his degree, and began his new career. He’s still working at the same school and loves what he does!

However, learning to say YES isn’t only about your career; it’s also about how you are living your life.  It’s about daring to go after the things that are important to you, and expressing who you are or who you want to become.

Saying YES challenges you to step out of your comfort zone. It increases your perspectives and opportunities for growth and fulfillment.

Therefore, if you’re hesitating about doing something new or making a change in your life, consider these questions:

• What am I saying NO to because I’m afraid to say YES to it?

• What steps can I take to change that NO into a YES?

Saying YES can be scary because it requires you to dare to change and expand your boundaries.  It’s sometimes easy to think of what you want to do, or change, but not as easy to take steps to make the change.

So, I dare you to think of one small step you could take today to get closer to your YES.  Who knows, you might find just saying YES is what allows you to reach out and grab your dream!

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What about you?

I welcome you to share a time when you said YES, instead of NO to doing something new or making a change in your life!

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When my kids were growing up, I watched Sesame Street with them.  My eldest loved it and I believe I grew to love it even more than she.

My second daughter was born five years after the first.  I anticipated her introduction to Sesame Street with the assumption that she’d love it just like her sister.

That wasn’t the case.

She much preferred Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.  I struggled with this choice, given my love for Sesame Street.  But, I have a very stubborn young child and no matter how hard I tried to get her to switch, she wanted to watch Mister Rogers.

After my kids were grown, a friend gave me The World According to Mister Rogers. I didn’t immediately read it.  Actually I didn’t open it until a few days ago, and he had given it to me in 2004. I picked it up because I was looking for inspiration and ideas to write about.

I opened The World According to Mister Rogers with trepidation.  However, once I started reading it, I was delighted by his thoughtful stories and quotes.  In every page, his warmth, love, and wisdom poured out.   Even the dedication is great: “This book is dedicated, in Fred Rogers’ memory, to anyone who has loved you into being.”

I discovered that Mister Rogers wasn’t just a warm and fuzzy guy; he was also a strong advocate for teaching our children.  He believed anyone who helps a child become an adult is responsible for teaching that child to be a good neighbor, whether it’s caring for a neighbor next door, down the street, or in another country far away.

After reading this book, I’m glad my youngest daughter stood her ground about watching Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.  She saw something I didn’t.  This gentle soul shared his kindness and wisdom with my young child.  He was a TV neighbor who helped love my child into adulthood and I thank him!

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Okay, are you wondering how Thanksgiving fits with Mister Rogers?  Here’s the story.

Originally, I planned to put this post about Mister Rogers up a few days ago, but life got in the way.  So, I was going to put it aside until after Thanksgiving.  But, it stayed in my head, even as I was thinking of different Thanksgiving ideas.

At first, I didn’t understand why.  I wondered what on earth Mister Rogers had to do with the Thanksgiving holiday.  Then I thought of the words, thanks and giving.  Suddenly, I realized the connection.

In writing about Mister Rogers, I had also written about Thanksgiving.

If the meaning of Thanksgiving is to share the nourishment of food with our family, friends and neighbors, it IS the same message Mister Rogers taught, just without the turkey and stuffing.

He taught us to share the nourishment of a gentle hug, an encouraging word, and a caring act of kindness whenever we can. In short, Mister Rogers understood how the words, thanks and giving can be very nourishing.

He once said, “Sometimes, all it takes is one kind word to nourish another person. Think of the ripple effect that can be created when we nourish someone.  One kind empathetic word has a wonderful way of turning into many.”

That’s my idea of thanksgiving.

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Are you the person everyone goes to during a crisis?  Are you always helping someone else and never have time to do the things you love?  If someone needs you, do you feel selfish if you don’t help them?

If you answered any of these questions with a YES, you might want to practice just saying NO.

NO is a small word, but it’s also very essential.  Learning how to say this small word is important.  Not only does it help you set boundaries for yourself, it’s also good for your heath.

Research shows that good health and longevity are increased when we feel satisfied and happy. By learning to say NO, you have time to nurture yourself and do the things you love.  This is key to feeling satisfied and happy.

There may be times when helping someone IS satisfying and something we really want to do, but for some of us, we help because we think we MUST do it.  When we’re responding more to the “must do,” our lives become unbalanced.

NO allows you to create balance in your life.

Therefore, if you look at your schedule and see that you don’t have any time left for taking care of yourself, it is time to start saying NO.  Here are a few tips that might help:

Become comfortable saying NO.

Think of a situation when you said yes and you really wanted to say NO. Look in a mirror and using that situation, practice saying NO.  To take this a step farther, practice with a friend. Let them try to convince you to say yes.  Keep practicing until you can say NO comfortably and assertively.

Remember not every situation requires a definite Yes or NO.

Sometimes you can find the middle ground or make a counter-offer.  For example, when someone asks you for a favor, you can always suggest a time that would be more convenient.  You might say, “I can’t do it tonight, but how about tomorrow?”

Keep in mind you can say NO in a nice way.

Many times, people say yes because they don’t want to appear selfish or hurt someone’s feelings.  Yet, over time, constantly saying yes can cause resentment and even exhaustion. Fortunately, you can learn to say NO very nicely.

A friend once told me how she learned to do this.  Every year, her pastor asked her to chair their church’s annual benefit.  After years of doing this, she needed a break. So, when her pastor asked, she simply said, “Thank you for asking me and it’s an honor, but I can’t do it at this time.”  She let him know that she was honored to be asked, but she still said NO.

Learning to say NO gives you time to do things that support your mental and physical well-being. That’s not selfish or uncaring; it’s healthy.

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What about you?

What suggestions do you have for saying NO nicely?

What positive things have happened when you said No, instead of YES?

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I met a woman at a conference years ago. We got to talking and she shyly told me she had written a book that had been recently published. I was impressed and told her so.

Instead of being proud of what she’d done, she downplayed it by making excuses for what she had accomplished. She didn’t seem to believe she deserved success.

I asked her about this.

She said it made her nervous and fearful to acknowledge that she was A SUCCESS, especially since she had not sold any books yet.

Before we could talk more about this, the workshop moved on and I didn’t have a chance to talk with her again. I wished I had.

I would have said to her, “Wait a minute! What’s wrong with feeling powerful and strong about what you DID accomplish? You wrote a book and it was published!  What’s wrong with believing you deserve every piece of that success?”

Most of all, I wished I had asked her what made her afraid of success.

But I didn’t.

Today, as I was clearing out files on my computer, I came across a passage entitled, Our Deepest Fear, written by Marianne Williamson. I’ve had it for a long time and I was compelled to read it again.  It reminded me of the woman I’d met at the workshop.

Since I have no way to contact her, I’m doing the next best thing.  I’m posting this passage on my blog and trusting that it will get to her if she still needs it.

If not, maybe someone like her will read it and fully celebrate who they are and what they’ve accomplished.

Maybe even you.

If you haven’t read it yet, now is your chance.  If you’ve read it before, read it again.  It’s worth it!!!!

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you NOT to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel unsure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

As we let our own Light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson

Now it’s your turn to share:

What have you done that made you feel “powerful beyond measure?”

How did you acknowledge what you did?

How does fear stop you from “letting your own light shine?”

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In the previous post, I talked about understanding how happiness feels for you, as it is different for everybody.  Now, I’d like to focus on what makes you happy.

Personally, I seem to know more about what makes me unhappy, rather than what makes me happy.  But I have been working on changing this.

For example, I love to be outdoors.  Whether it’s sitting in the rocking chair on my porch watching the birds eat at the feeders, or taking a long walk in the park, I feel happy when I’m enjoying nature.  In this case, I’m not feeling a giddy happiness, but rather a peaceful and content one.

Unfortunately, I don’t put enough “outdoor time” in my calendar and therefore, I forget it.  I haven’t made it a goal, with appropriate action steps.

Learning happiness requires planning.

First, you need to be aware of what makes you happy.  Then you need to plan how and when to bring these activities into your life.

That’s why this exercise is so important.

Step 1:  List five healthy things in your life that make you happy.  If you can’t think of five, that’s okay; just write down as many as you can.  I included the word “healthy” here because you don’t want to invite the “Guilt Monster” to visit along with the happiness. Otherwise, peanut M&Ms might top my list.

Step 2:  Look at your list. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest, rate each of these according to how often you allow yourself to experience them.

Step 3:  Look at the ones you rated below five (ones you’re not doing frequently).  Pick the one that feels most important to you right now.

Step 4:  Write one or two action steps you can take that would help you do this activity more often.  Be sure to set specific dates for achieving these steps.  Setting dates makes an action more tangible.  If you use a calendar, it’s even better to write your action steps in your calendar.

I recommend you do this exercise regularly. Keep a list of the things that make you happy.  Eventually, you may collect a list of 14,000 things to be happy about! Barbara Ann Kipfer has written a book by this very title and I have mentioned it in a previous post on learning happiness.

I believe we are born with the natural ability to be happy. It’s a myth that we must wait around until, by some lucky chance, it finds us.  We CAN learn to increase happiness, but it takes work.  We have to seek it out and then practice it.  The more we do this, the more opportunities we will have to be happy.

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Today, there’s a lot of interest in learning what you can do to increase happiness.  This can be a challenge because each person feels happiness in a different way.

For some it’s a bubbly feeling of glee, while for others it’s a feeling of peace and calmness.  Sometimes, it’s a mix of the two or an entirely different feeling.

In order to increase your own happiness, it’s important to become aware of how it feels for you. Here are two exercises that might help:

Exercise 1: Take a moment and write about the last time you felt really happy.  How did you know you were happy? What happened to make you feel happy?  Remember as much as you can about that moment, including how you felt both physically and emotionally.

For example, I recently learned that my older daughter is engaged.  I adore her fiancé and think they are a wonderful couple, so this was a very happy moment for me.  Emotionally, I felt pleased, excited and filled with a sense of joy.  Physically, I was smiling and crying at the same time. I do that sometimes when I’m happy; the tears come with the joy!

Exercise 2: Write down words you associate with feeling happy. Don’t spend a lot of time thinking about this; just write the first words that come to mind based on your ideas and memories. Consider saving this list and adding more words to it.

For example, here’s what I wrote:  laughter, giddiness, calm, peaceful, awe, bubbling joy, wonder, amazement, excitement, and spontaneous laughter and tears!

I’ve said this before, but it’s a good idea to keep track of the times when you feel happy. Write down the situation and how you felt both physically and emotionally.  Don’t be surprised if one time you’re full of giddy laughter and another time fills you with peacefulness and awe.  It can all be happiness, if that’s what if feels like to you.

Every day, you have many opportunities to be happy.  These opportunities can pass you by if you’re not aware.  Therefore, pay attention and become more aware of how happiness feels for you.  This is a major step to recognizing the happiness in your own life.

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Have you ever given a gift or complimented someone and they haven’t responded back?  There’s no “thank you” or “I really appreciate the thought.” Instead, just silence. Did you find yourself just a tiny bit angry?  This happened to me not long ago.

I sent a friend a small gift, which I had made in honor of her promotion.  She never said a word about the gift.  I know she got it because a mutual friend mentioned it.  Her silence really bugged me. The longer time went by, the more annoyed I was with her.   Eventually, I wasn’t talking to her anymore.

Lately, I’ve been studying about Zen Buddhism.  I told the story about the gift to a friend of mine who’s a bit more advanced in the “Zen” mindset than I am.  She looked at me and said, “Sara, you didn’t give a gift; you gave a want.”

I thought about what she said. While hard to admit, I did WANT my friend to acknowledge my gift.  I wasn’t thinking as much about her success, as I was about what I had made for her.  In short, my ego wanted approval.

I’ve been learning that the ego can get you into trouble. It’s like an over-controlling parent, always telling you what you should do and never quite approving of you.  To find our true self in a Zen way, we need to check our ego at the door.

Okay, I admit it.  At times, this is a hard concept for me to grasp.  While I get it sometimes, I often find myself hanging out with the ego crowd, such as Be Somebody, Get Approval and Be a Success!

Therefore, I spent some time considering my expectations about the gift I had made.  I realized it wasn’t important; it was just a symbol. The real gift was my happiness about my friend’s success and sharing it with her, not what I had made her.

Some lessons are hard to learn.

I don’t know if I can mend the relationship with my friend, but I will try.  On the other hand, I have learned how to give a gift in a more Zen way.  Turns out it’s not that complicated. All I have to do is put all my caring and love into the gift, hand it to the person, and then let it go.

Now, it’s your turn.

What about you?

Have you experienced an “ego” moment that taught you a lesson?

Care to share it?

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