Comments on: Zen Gift Giving: Check your ego at the door!

By: Guest Post: Emotions — The Universal Language | Shades Of Crimson

Guest Post: Emotions — The Universal Language | Shades Of Crimson — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 20:19:33 +0000

[...] writes about such subjects as Zen Gift Giving, Persistence – A Key to Success, Giving the Gift of An Open Heart, and How to Practice Mindfulness [...]

By: Sarah

Sarah — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 21:07:42 +0000

@Jennifer

I’m not saying I’m always good at being Zen-like. I grew up in a time when we actually wrote thank you notes on real paper for ANY gift received. I think doing this is a good thing even in Zen, it completes the circle of caring. I try to do this. On the other hand, it’s very freeing when I’m not invested in getting a response to a gift or something else I’ve done for someone. Then, if I do get a response, it’s just icing on the cake.

I’m also very pleased to discover that Danifer is Jennifer. I don’t how I missed it. And there’s nothing wrong with being a Virgo…one of my favorite people is one…my younger daughter!!!
SBH

By: Davina

Davina — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 21:37:03 +0000

Hi Sara. This is interesting. I’ve experienced this before and it feels different every time. Sometimes I want approval of the gift if it is something I’ve made; I know that is that lovely ego person.

But, I have noticed that sometimes if I don’t “hear” the recognition or the “thanks” it feels like the gift hasn’t really been received. I believe that if a friend gives a friend a gift a thank you speaks volumes. I hope you can mend this friendship if that is what you want.

By: Jennifer (Danifer)

Jennifer (Danifer) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 17:47:56 +0000

Hi Sara. I completely understand the first part of your post and how you felt about giving your friend a gift. I suppose I need to brush up on my Zen, because I am having a hard time with the last part of your post. The way I see it, gift-giving IS supposed to be selfless and from the heart. But just because you would like people to use common courtesy and thank you or acknowledge your gift doesn’t mean that you aren’t still acting from your heart. It’s like following the Golden Rule. You should treat others the way that you wish to be treated and I try to live my life like that. Sometimes I go to extremes (like saying thank you to someone who has given ME a thank you note). I have learned to appreciate a lot of things that people do and I hope that they do the same for me. And because I live my life like that, I don’t feel as if it’s wrong in hoping others will reciprocate. If they do not, I admit, I might lose a little respect for them. Sorry, it’s the Virgo in me. I know I still have a lot of growing to do, perhaps I should grab a Zen book and explore.

By: Kathy

Kathy — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 17:32:05 +0000

WOW!! “You didn’t give a gift, you gave a want.”

I grew up in a family in which manipulation and self gratification were the norm. I can honestly say, I tend to view every “gift” as a “want.” Now I see that “giving wants” is just another name for gifts that have strings attached.

I’ve always had trouble accepting gifts graciously. I think I’m beginning to see the root cause of that affliction!