there are many types of addictions
Hi.
My name is Sara.
I’m addicted to being a Somebody.
For years, I craved the high of being a Somebody. You know what I’m talking about – that sweet taste of success, the smell of wealth, the feeling of importance, and the sound of approval from others. I sought these things out with such determination that I didn’t realize the damage it was doing to my body and soul.
I lived with envy, fear of failure, worry, and dissatisfaction when I didn’t get my “hit” from being a Somebody. My family and friends didn’t see my addiction. They thought I was just determined to be successful and productive. They didn’t notice the toll it was taking on me.
People who had fought this addiction told me that it was preventing me from fully appreciating my life and the people around me. They said I was fooling myself by trying to be a Somebody and losing sight of what was really important in my life.
And so, here I am.
I stand before you ready to accept myself as I already am, without the applause.
letting go of the ego
This will be challenging. Kicking this addiction means letting go of my ego and its need to be recognized and feel important. I’m just beginning this process after becoming AWARE of my addiction, and I am prepared to work hard to beat it. I will take it one day at a time.
Can I actually do this?
Can I accept not having to define myself as being successful or important?
I believe I can, and I will become a better person for it. Without needing my ego fix, I will be able to help people and not expect thanks in return; do the work I love, even if it doesn’t bring me wealth and success; and give freely to the world without expecting something back.
After all, this life is NOT about ME; it’s about connecting with others who share this universe with me.
Thank you for letting me share. I’ll sit down now and let you talk.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Questions to consider:
Are you addicted to being a Somebody? If so, how does this addiction affect you?
What does the following quote mean to you? “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” — Lao Tzu
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow… I’m glad I read this.
I have struggled with this all my life. Well, that’s not strictly true… it’s more depression that I’ve had to struggle with… wanting to be a Somebody has grown from that.
Cards on the table here… I want people to read and appreciate my blog, but I’ve not had the kinds of numbers flocking to it that I’ve wanted. Just how many would be enough to satisfy? Well, that’s it… more than I can count would still not be enough for me to feel validated. And this is the kind of thing I put myself through as an egotistical creative type.
I have tried to let this go time and time again, and the only times that it seems to vanish are when I’m not thinking about myself… being around others can help with that. Helping someone out for the day. Reading to someone. Giving someone else some applause. All these things and more. But I don’t always do them because I still want my time in the spotlight… to be validated. Crazy, I know.
So there we have a solution, but we have to remember to pick it up and try it out from time to time until it eventually takes. How long will that be? No one knows. We just have to find out.
I love that quote from Lao Tzu. As a Christian, it speaks volumes to me. I don’t like what I am sometimes, so it can be a relief when I consider the possibility of letting go of me once in awhile, only to find that I’ve become something more tolerable a little further down the track. It’s an exciting thought.
@ Tony — Thank you for sharing and I understand where you’re coming from. I really liked your words, “…it can be a relief when I consider the possibility of letting go of me once in awhile…” This is so true as is your comment about how you lose yourself when doing things for others. I’m also pleased you liked the Lao Tzu quote…it’s one my favorites.
While I love comments and reading what people have to say,I must admit I also struggle with my numbers. When I do, I envision a person stopping by my site and getting exactly what they really needed, even though they didn’t leave a comment. Somehow this invisible person makes the numbers seem less important.
Keep writing, Tony…you don’t know how many people you ARE reaching and helping, but who don’t leave a trace.
Sara,
I believe in my youth I wanted to be Julie Andrews, the singer and actress, because so many people loved her singing and her storytelling. I thought she was so beautiful and exquisite, but then I wasn’t very loved in my life and other than singing I was not appreciated for my energies….I was considered lazy and spoiled in my family.
I did lots of volunteer work to get out of the house and to be with people….I have ended up being a volunteer professional for nearly all my life and I realize that when I was affirmed and appreciated in my volunteer efforts I felt truly loved.
I am now working on that idea to come to terms with my inability to make money – all of my life.
Nonviolent Communications extend to the self talk that one has for themselves. I found out I could survive and do good works when I felt appreciated and loved for my actions. Now, I know something new about myself so I can find new actions.
I have also found out how much I love myself and who I have become…truly we come into this world alone and leave this world alone – illusion? is the rest? Maybe?
Oh by the way, I am like Julie Andrews more now – as I have had tumors removed from my vocal cords and can hardly sing…and I write now!
I believe the goal of life is to serve life…
Very nice writing about self discovery and a great post for this time of the year. Thank you for sharing
Patricias last blog post..Confessions of a Practicing Self Advocate
I see people who are addicted to being somebody, this is the way of the ego. Look at me, look at me it says and the same time it hopes you don’t look to long or to deep because the ego knows that it is a thin mask which hides the authentic self which it fears.
The quote is very true, to truly be, we must let go of what we perceive ourselves to falsely be.
Marks last blog post..Looking At Our Gaps
I am horribly addicted to being Someone. Although, I’m not sure I am ready to give this up yet. I think a strong, but controlled ego is a good thing. Never hurts to take alittle pride in who you are and your accomplishments.
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – This statement is really only true with some of my hobbies and passions. BUT it is not realist for me to “let go” my day job and maintain the standard of life I keep. Yes, I might be more if I followed my fantastical desires, but I could easily end up hurting the ones I love with such actions.
Contentment and Fear of the Unknown keep me what I am.
@ Patricia — I love your comment, “Nonviolent Communications extend to the self talk that one has for themselves.” This is a line that deserves attention and thought. I regret that you can’t sing with your voice, but I can tell you that you sing with your words. Thanks for sharing :~)
@ Mark — Your comment was so true! Like the Wizard in the Wizard of Oz, the ego puts up a false front to keep us from our authentic selves. It’s up to us to walk around it and find out who we really are. Thanks :~)
@ FupDuckTV — You’ve made a thoughtful point. We should be proud of our accomplishments! As I see it, letting go of being a Somebody shouldn’t take them away. It’s when we need those accomplishments to define who we are that we get caught in the trap of being a Somebody. I really appreciate your comment :~)
We do need to be proud of our accomplishments – but our accomplishments must not “define” who we are.
I live in an area where house values have dropped 50% off their “high” just a few years ago. I’m watching people who live around me literally tear their hair out because they were “defined” by being somebody – somebody with an expensive home in an exclusive neighborhood. Now the homes aren’t NEARLY as expensive and the most recent people to buy in here are far from “exclusive”.
Whether it’s your home – your job – your kids – or even your blog – you’re going to run into “authenticity” problems when you allow who YOU are to be defined by external factors!
Oh – lest it sounds like I’m “above” all this – I’m so struggling with not allowing ANY of those four things “define” me. When you strip all of that away – who am I?
Ah – there’s the question.
Kathy | Virtual Impaxs last blog post..Authenticity and Social Media Transparency
I must admit that I do have an addiction to being someone. I want to be the guy people come to when they want to work happier. I know the ego has a role in this, but I’ve learned to accept some of this as a good thing.
The ego that leads us blindly to pain and suffering is terrible, but the ego that helps us strive (in a healthy way) to reach our dreams is a good thing.
I try to find that balance that helps me succeed. Last night I was working through some tiredness to get my latest blog posted. I was about to work some more when I stopped myself. I gave myself a little appreciation and sent myself to bed.
It’s hard to find that sweet spot that allows us to push for great things but doesn’t push us off the deep end – just lots of practice and adjusting.
Karl Staib – Work Happy Nows last blog post..Pajama Day
I have been observing issues of the ego closely over the last one week. In fact, my observations can fill up a book right now. The need to feel superior, to be a somebody is really saying “I am not enough” and that I am hoping all the external stuff can make up who I am.
At the same time, I also recognize that it is not easy to let go of my ego, my attachments. And if I falter or cling on to it or them senselessly at times, I forgive myself.
Evelyn Lims last blog post..Play The Wishing Game?
Hi Sara. I tried to leave this comment yesterday, but kept getting a message that “your bandwidth was full”. Let’s see if it works today. Here goes…
Been there, doing that
I think there is some reverse psychology going on. We want to be seen and acknowledged because we are all here with something SPECIAL to share and deep down, subconsciously, we know that. The ego is not a good thing when we let it stand in our way of sharing those natural gifts that we have.
I agree with what FupDuckTV has said. It’s great to be proud of ourselves… just not to think we are better than anyone else because of it.
Davinas last blog post..The Morning Muse — Inspiring Hands
@Kathy — You’ve posed a great question and a tough one, but I think you’ve already answered it. You are still YOU even when you pay attention to things like your home, kids, work, etc. These significant parts of our lives only becomes a “Somebody” problem when we let them define who we are and how we feel. Hey, I didn’t say this was easy :~)
@ Karl — I appreciate your comment. It sounds like you are AWARE of what ego can do and I like what you said about finding the balance. I work at this balance with my blog. I test myself by asking “Would I still love to write and have this blog, even if no one left me a single comment?” Some days, I answer YES emphatically and others…well it takes a bit more work to get there :~)
@ Evelyn — You said it so well…”The need to feel superior, to be a somebody is really saying “I am not enough” and that I am hoping all the external stuff can make up who I am.” I believe it is our job is to learn to be enough without the trappings…to be enough just because we exist. Thanks for sharing :~)
@ Davina — Yes, I was frustrated yesterday because I couldn’t get to my site either. Then my blog guru told me that having a full bandwidth was actually a good thing :~)
Your comment is right on. I loved your words…” we are all here with something SPECIAL to share and deep down, subconsciously, we know that.” It deserves to read again and again!!! Thank you so much for sharing :~)
I always thought I had the opposite problem which for a long time made me un-ambitious. I never wanted to be seen or heard from anyone. I wanted to be the invisible person in the corner of a room. I have encountered people who want to be “somebody” and I never understood the appeal.
Moving toward unconditional self-acceptance detaches from any sense of addiction. An energy being is not a slave to anyone. To be untrue to self is to suffer. This is habit-forming for someone who has not yet evolved to experience the core truth of inner joy.
Liara Coverts last blog post..25 Ways to stimulate consciousness
Hi Sara
I tried to stop by yesterday but I couldn’t get in. I am so glad I try again today
When I read your post, you reminded me of a younger me. I used to want to be someone so bad that I would made up different names for myself. The core of it was I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. Then as I got older and older I learn to just be (no trying to be anything or anyone.) that was when it happen for me. I am just me 
Thank you for your honest post.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Giovanna Garcias last blog post..What was Warren Buffett like as a kid?
@ Carla — I like what Davina said in her comment, ”We are all here with something SPECIAL to share and deep down, subconsciously, we know that.” I believe this. I think we should share ourselves, but without the need for outside approval or thanks. I appreciate your comment:~)
@ Liara — You are so right! The goal is…”Moving towards unconditional self acceptance…” On the other hand, I still struggle with this. To me, acknowledging my addiction is the first step to changing it. The next step is doing something about it. Thanks for sharing :~)
@ Giovanna — Thanks for your persistence. I’ve had some bandwidth problems, which are hopefully resolved. I really like your words, “I am just me!” They show a lot of self acceptance. It sounds like you’ve really made effort to live comfortably in “your own skin.” Good for you, Giovanna :~)
Sara, raising awareness is a very powerful tool in a stage of self-discovery. Another level is working on consistency and that comes as you explore the power and reach of deliberate intention.
Liara Coverts last blog post..5 Tips to move beyond intimidation
There’s a movie, I will be making a post about next month. It’s called December Boys and on it we have 4 orphans all competing to be adopted one way or another. And at the same missing the friendship they already have among them.
I feel that’s a metaphor for life, we are too busy trying to be somebody…
@ Liara — Wise words, my friend. Consistency in learning any skill is critical. Thanks for the comment :~)
@ Miguel — I’ll look forward to your post and seeing the movie. It sound interesting…has it been released? I appreciate your comment :~)
Briefly the quote says to me…. Be flexible about who you are. (doubt who you are) Try not to be set in your ways and be open to learning.
I believe that the ego is an integral part of being human and I could not imagine living without it. Without ego there are possibly a lot of things that you wouldn’t bother doing in relation to taking care of yourself. I think that it is more about accepting who we are, taking responsibility and recognising the immature ego and consulting with the mature ego of oneself.
To oppress your ego may cause it to come out in covert ways… such as physical pain, negative behaviour and so forth. Hence what you have mentioned in regards to feeling addicted to being a somebody! You are a somebody and have every right to be somebody. Feeling guilty about that may be what’s leading to the sense of addiction and negative behaviour.
Sincere apologies if what I’m saying isn’t coming across clearly.
In brief… be kind to yourself.
best wishes Ribbon
Ribbons last blog post..Just for Fun!
@ Ribbon — Well, this comment made me think, which I like. I found interesting to think of the ego as mature or immature and I can see what you’re saying. Given this, I’m talking about the “immature” ego; the one that demands you MUST be a Somebody to be okay. I think this is the addictive ego.
I really appreciate your comment and I like your last line…”be kind to yourself”:~)
So long as you believe you are always learning and growing, then this confirms you are a “somebody.” HUman beings search for wholeness when they only ever fragment themselves with ego and perception as a way to gain new insight into their psyche. You play a game with form so to stretch and rediscover you have never changed at the core. Time to remove the blindfold.
Liara Coverts last blog post..10 Revelations to prick the ears