My Halloween Scare

Photo by art-4-art

The Diagnostic Mammogram

This Saturday is Halloween and I’ve already had my Halloween scare. After a screening mammogram, I was called back for a diagnostic mammogram, which checks for suspicious areas found on the screening mammogram.

When I received this call, I was terrified to say the least. I was lucky that I was able to get the diagnostic exam done the next day after the callback. However, this meant a weekend of uncertainty until the results were read on Monday.

I felt immobilized and couldn’t seem to get anything done. I cried and jumped to different conclusions; typical for me. I tend to let a small snowball roll until I’ve created an avalanche:~)

Waiting fed my worry monster. I didn’t have a choice about the waiting, but I did have a choice about how I handled it. I didn’t have to let my worries take over, but instead I could look at this scary situation in a different way. Following, is the path I chose to take:

1) Worry Less

Worry is one of my persistent gremlins. Somehow, I feel that by worrying I protect myself, but realistically I know that’s not true. Worry just makes me feel badly and jump to all sorts of conclusions about what may or may not happen. Worry doesn’t change a thing.

I once wrote a post about handling worry monsters. They’re tough little gremlins! You can’t kill them off even if you want to, because there’s always a nugget of potential truth in worry. You can find a way to quiet the worry monster. I negotiated with mine by writing the following affirmation:

I accept that you are here because I am scared, but I will not let you rule my thoughts and/or hurt my body by creating constant stress and fear. You cannot change the current situation in any way and do more harm to me than good. I choose to see myself as healthy, strong and capable of dealing with this situation without your assistance.

This was a helpful affirmation because it didn’t deny my worry and it reminded me that I could handle the situation. I reviewed this affirmation every day over the weekend.

2) Be Positive about the “What If Questions”

When I’m in midst of a crisis (especially a health crisis), I find it hard to deal with the “what if…” questions that invariably come up. I tend to dive immediately into the worst case scenario. My challenge was to find something in this scary situation that I could see as positive.

One of the ways I cope with the “what if…” questions is to do my homework. I do research to learn as much as I can about whatever is worrying me. This helps me find a way to focus on the positives. This is not easy when you’re talking about breast cancer!

Doing my research helped me move away from saying “Oh my God, I could have cancer,” to “I may or may not have cancer, but if I do have it I am lucky because”:

• It was picked up on a screening mammogram, rather than a felt lump.
• I get annual mammograms, which according to research helps the survival rate.
• The survival rate for breast cancer is much higher than it used to be.
• The diagnostic tools for breast cancer are improved and less invasive.
• The place where I have my mammograms done has the most modern diagnostic tools.
• Women over 50 often have cancers that are less invasive than younger women.
• I have handled health crises before and I will find a way to handle this, if need be.

Waiting for the call

I cannot tell a lie. The waiting was difficult; even with the worry affirmation and positive spin on the “what if” questions. It was not an easy weekend for my partner, JC, or me.

However, by putting these steps into action, it was better for me. I was clearer about the choices I was making in handling this crisis. With that being said, when I got the call that the mammogram was okay, I cried.  My waiting was over, but I was acutely aware that for too many other women, their call might deliver different news.

Annual Screening Mammogram

Next year I will return for my annual screening mammogram. Once again, I will sit in the waiting room with women of different ages and ethnic backgrounds; all waiting just like me.

In this room we are sisters, united by a disease that primarily attacks women. It is up to us and those who love us to keep fighting for a cure, and to make sure that ALL women have the medical care necessary to detect this cancer early, including access to a mammogram, if needed.

A friend sent me this video and I wanted to share it you. It’s a reminder that there are more and more survivors of breast cancer each year. It’s a message of hope.

Tagged as: breast cancer, diagnostic mammogram, mammogram, screening mammogram, worry