Photograph by Sara B. Healy
A Bird Picture
This picture was a mistake. I was struggling to capture photographs of birds at my feeder. The minute they heard the camera, they were a blur of wings. I took a lot of photographs and thanks to digital, I deleted most of them.
When I looked at this one in the viewfinder all I saw was a blur and assumed it was just another mistake. I started to delete it, but stopped. I’m glad I saved it.
My camera and this bird created something magical and special for me. It’s not technically a good photograph, but there’s something unique about it. I see this mistake as a gift.
Making Mistakes
We all make mistakes; it’s part of life. Some are big and some not so big. When we make mistakes, it’s not the mistake that causes us problems; it’s how we react to it.
There was a time in our lives when mistakes didn’t exist in our minds. As babies, we discovered how to become human by making mistakes; we fell before we walked, we learned hot and cold by touch, and how things tasted by putting them in our mouth.
Unless someone constantly corrected us, these mistakes were simply learning experiences. They carried no particular emotional baggage.
As we grew older, things changed, as did the words that accompanied our “mistakes.” When we did something wrong we heard “Don’t do that!” or “That’s bad, stop it.”
Suddenly, mistakes weren’t just neutral ways to learn because there was a negative feeling attached to the learning. Later, we would discover that some mistakes came with punishments, further reinforcing that mistakes were bad.
Learning from Making Mistakes
We have a choice about how we see our mistakes. We can continue to see them as wrong, or we can choose to see them as gifts; like my bird picture.
Sometimes these mistake “gifts” create a new path of learning and opportunity for us in our journey through life.
A friend of mine was fired from her job and it upset her greatly. However, it gave her the momentum to go back to school and now she has a job she loves. In her case, a mistake gave her the gift of a career that she’d always wanted.
Some mistakes make it more difficult to find the gift, but it is still there. A member of my family was driving with a group of friends and they’d all been drinking. There was a car accident and one of the friends was paralyzed.
As the driver of the car, my family member was haunted by the mistake for years. He asked for forgiveness, which was not given.
This tormented him, but he made a choice to move on from it. He found a way to turn his life around. He stopped drinking, went back to school and had a family.
While he couldn’t get forgiveness from his friend, he found the strength to forgive himself. This was the gift of his mistake.
Mistakes happen and we can’t change that. We can change how we react to them. Next time you make a mistake, stop for a second and ask yourself “What’s the gift in this mistake?”
What about you?
Have you ever made a mistake that turned into a “gift” for you?
{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Sara .. lovely story .. and I’m sorry to hear about the car accident – but as you so rightly put it – your family member sorted his life out, and learnt after due time to forgive himself & no doubt he’ll continue to make amends for that mistake.
General mistakes – if we didn’t make them – we’d never learn.
Re your pigeon .. somewhere on the blogosphere – it might be at Sirius Graphix via Lori Hoeck and Betsy Weubker ..
Five Years for Six Minutes – Piegon Impossible ..post on 18 Jan .. and it is on Sirius Graphix ..
Do look – it’s good fun ..
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Haggis, Whisky and Poetry .. means only one thing "Robbie Burns" =-.
@ Hilary – I agree with you about the importance of making mistakes and learning from them. Also, as you said, sometimes the best thing we learn from our mistakes is how to forgive ourselves when we make them.
Thanks for sharing your thought:~)
Beautiful post, Sara. I’ve made so many mistakes! Staying too long at jobs, not paying enough attention when loved ones were in crisis, waiting too long to take my cat to the vet when she was sick. And so many things I tried that didn’t work out. One of the biggest: when I was 26, I sold everything I owned and moved to NYC. It did not go as planned, and I retreated back to California two years later. But I don’t regret it. Years ago I read something: at the end of our lives, we don’t regret the things we tried and failed at, but rather the things we didn’t try. So I think I will continue to make mistakes. Like you say, it’s part of being human. But I’m definitely more used to it now. (Hmmm, I’m having deja vu right now. Have I written this before here? Maybe on someone else’s blog.)
p.s. The bird looks like sheer fabric! Like a fluttering scarf in the wind.
.-= Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..Why Self-Help Bores Me =-.
@ Patty — I love what you said about what we remember at the end of our lives — the things we didn’t try. That’s the best thing people can remember about mistakes — they were things we tried:~) Thanks for sharing this with us:~)
Hi Sara, After I read this and clicked to comment, I saw Patty’s words that mirrored exactly my first 2 sentences! This is a beautiful message and I, too, have made a lot of mistakes. Not anything catastrophic which makes me wonder if I take enough risks…but that’ll be a reflection for any future post on risks that you write
.
I love that you point out the gift in the mistake because I’m not in the habit of looking for the gift; I generally try to move on as quickly as possible. So, thanks to you, I will try to change that. Thanks.
@ Belinda — As the saying goes, “Like minds think alike!” Personally, I think you just have a good “guide” that keeps you from making catastrophic mistakes. Love and appreciate her:~)
I used to be really hard on myself when I made mistakes, but later would discover that the mistake led me to something new in my life. I could track this in my journals. I think it’s hard to remember this because we do move on (and should), but often there is a gift in what we did. Thanks for sharing your thought:~)
So true, Sara, about finding the gift in a mistake. The gift I always find in my mistakes is growth. When I stop making mistakes, I know I’ll have reached the limit of my potential for growth and I know I have so much more to learn.
One of my favorite quotes on mistakes if by Scott Adams, creator of ‘The Dilbert Principle’ :
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”
And you made some beautiful art with that “mistake” photo, Sara!
I’m really glad your family member forgave himself and moved on because the unfortunate part of some of our mistakes is the impact they have on others and we can’t change how others view our mistakes, only how we view ourselves for our mistakes.
.-= talon´s last blog ..Repository… =-.
@ Talon — That is so well said, “When I stop making mistakes, I know I’ll have reached the limit of my potential for growth and I know I have so much more to learn.”
I also love the quote!!!
Thanks about the picture and as always, for sharing your thoughts:~)
Sara,
These are what I call “Happy Mistakes”, the kind of thing you do when you don’t even know you’re doing it while you’re trying to do something else.
The only catch is trying to remember how you made that happy mistake to begin with.
@Hilary: Thanks for remembering the Pigeon post! And look, you lead me to a great new blog to read!
.-= Deb Dorchak´s last blog ..PHP: We’re going elephant hunting! =-.
@ Deb — Welcome to the site! You are right on the money. It is hard to re-create happy mistakes — it’s almost a contradiction in terms:~) Certainly, I doubt I’ll ever recreate this “happy mistake,” but I’m glad I made it:~)
I also thank Hilary for sending you this way. I’ll be out visiting today and will stop by:~)
Excellent post.
I think you said it all when you wrote that it’s not the mistake that causes us problems but the way we react to it.
The last time I dj-d I made a mistake and killed the music for just a few seconds, although it seemed like hours. The crowd cheered and I quickly sorted the problem out. In the past I would have been devasated and that’s all I would have remembered. How I’d screwed up, but this time I didn’t. The evening had gone really well, everyone had danced non stop for hours and continued to do so after the mistake. We all screw up and I was much more matter of fact about it knowing that in the wider scheme of things the night was a success.
In the past all I would have remembered was messing up.
@ LL Cool Joe — So, you dj. I’ve always been fascinated by how people pick and choose the music and keep the action going. It doesn’t look easy when you’re on the dance floor.
Regarding your “mistake,” maybe for some it wasn’t a mistake, but a needed dance break:~) You make a good point, however, about the fact that people are generally forgiving about other’s mistakes. We’re the ones who struggle to forgive ourselves.
Thanks for visiting:~)
This sounds like a very good lesson for me. I tend to dwell and punish myself for some of the mistakes I’ve made in my life. Its good and no doubt healthier to look at “mistakes” as gifts and actual learning experiences.
.-= carla´s last blog ..Drowning =-.
@ Carla — Hey, I do the same thing and that’s why this photo really gave me pause. I almost wrote it off as a mistake, but it wasn’t for me. I really do believe if we can get past the anger/annoyance at ourselves for mistakes, we can find a gift in them.
I appreciate you stopping by and sharing your thoughts:~)
I love that photo, Sara. It feels to me like a life in motion, which is how life is really. It doesn’t stop, even when the mistakes you make get so overwhelming that you just want to stop and step off for a while.
I’m with Patty and Belinda… I’ve made so many mistakes in my life. Where do I begin? And how do I see which ones turned out to be a gift to me? Let me think…
Okay, here’s one. It’s a bit personal but hopefully it’s in the spirit of the question. The biggest mistake I made in my life is when I tried to break up with my wife. We weren’t yet married at the time and had already been dating for nearly a year. I suffered from low self esteem then, much as I still do now, and had convinced myself that I wasn’t the man that Cass needed… and that she deserved someone far better. I did not have a job, I was insecure and indecisive, I was ugly to look at, and therefore not a “true man” (whatever that is).
Needless to say, when I tried to end it with her, Cass got monumentally upset and hurled things at me. After a time, we eventually got to talking again and I came to an important realisation. That realisation was my gift. Cassy loved me for me, and wanted to be with no one else. She did not see the glaring flaws in me, and any that she did see she was more than willing to overlook. I was ashamed to have not seen that love in her before.
I am happy to say that after 14 years of marriage, we are still together, and that I’ve managed not to trample on her trust (too much) since that day.
.-= Tony Single´s last blog ..Apologia =-.
@ Tony — Thank you so much for sharing this about Cassy! You are right that sometimes we trip ourselves up thinking we’re making a mistake when we aren’t. Even if you couldn’t see the beauty in you; Cassy did. On the other hand, look at what happened…you actually saw the gift before you allowed the mistake to become solid concrete. Good for you, Tony:~)
Hi Sara!
Great post! Wow, I’ve had a lifetime of mistakes, some little, some big and you are so right, each was a blessing in disguise or at least a lesson well learned. I don’t know if I’d even be the same person that I am if I had gone thru some of those slightly twisted events. In the end, we learn from mistakes – or HOPEfully we do. It worked as kids and I don’t think the dimension/concept changes just because we add more years to ourselves. One thing I see some people do is beat themselves up for years over a mistake – much like your family member with the guilt over the accident. Oh how awful to long for the forgiveness that will not come! It’s tragic, but yes, life must go on and in the end, it is US forgiving ourselves that we need to embrace.
Hugs
suZen
@ SuZen — You pointed out the most important lesson of mistakes, especially ones that can’t be undone and that’s forgiving ourselves. As always, thanks for your words of wisdom, Suzen:~)
We al make mistakes, but the key is to learn for them. This is where resentment ever gets to manifest, once we get to learn for our past!
.-= Jonathan Figaro´s last blog ..You’ll Never Be Successful =-.
@ Jonathan — Perfectly said:~)
Oh yes, the bug mistakevof marrying my first husband would never have out me in the position to meet Jim!
Not going into songwriting until my late 30s allowed me plenty of life experience to write about.
Allowing mybeloved dog Chance to go ” strolling in the moonlight” enabled him to meet his girlfriend and for us to take in little Peachie, his daughter who us still our little sweetie- muffin poochie.
Pretty cool, eh?’
.-= Jannie Funster´s last blog ..The Queen Of Remodeling Patience, Chapter 1 — “Front Room” View-A =-.
@ Jannie — You prove my point and I thank for that….just look at all the gifts you got from mistakes. Good for you for seeing these gifts:~)
Yes, I’ve been reflecting on that recently as well if I ever find myself cringing about something from the past — “infant me” would not even have thought that saying what I said or doing what I did was a “problem” at all! I always find that a calming thing to remember.
@ Chris — Bring it back to the time before we knew “mistakes” and it does make you pause, doesn’t it? Think about what babies would NOT learn if they didn’t try and make mistakes…you are so right that this is a calming thought:~)
Such a true posting. I think mistakes are one of those gifts that people often overlook. My mantra is: whether it’s a good experience, or a bad experience, you learn something about yourself. Bad experiences are those bad choices, those mistakes that you make, and in looking back you sometimes have to accept the shame, but see through it to really understand what happened and how to learn from it.
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..Forty Words for Sorrow by Giles Blunt =-.
@ Melissa — I like your mantra and think more people should adopt it:~) How can we really learn about ourselves if we don’t make mistakes — they sort of come with the territory!
Hi Sara, it’s nice that you saved this picture even though it was blurry. Maybe there is something meaningful from it. I’ve made many mistakes in my life that I wish I didn’t make. But when I think back on it, it’s what makes us humans. Nobody’s perfect, and I think if we go through life always worrying about making mistakes, then we will never be able to live life in peace, which to me, is more valuable than being perfect.
.-= Hulbert´s last blog ..Trust Your Intuition – How I Almost Joined a Pyramid Scheme =-.
@ Hulbert — I really like your idea about living in peace and it is more valuable than being perfect. Perhaps that’s why we are actually incapable of being perfect — peace is that place between. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts:~)
I have been wondering lately what is a mistake?
What do we classify as a mistake?
Because I do a lot of things that do not have such severe consequences but have an impact anyway.
So do I see a mistake as something I regret or I cringe about when I remember what I did?
I regret hanging onto my marriage for too long and not listening to my father when he wanted to talk me out of it when I was 21 years old and determined I was old enough to marry.
However mistake? I learned a lot and I am happy now with 2 beautiful daughters.
However my ex still sees my leaving as a mistake and too hasn’t forgiven me. Not being forgiving is maybe THE mistake one can make in one’s life. Yes, and that cardinal mistake I have luckily not made very often.
.-= Wilma Ham´s last blog ..When is ‘enough’ enough? =-.
@ Wilma — I feel for your ex. I also agree totally with you that not being able to forgive is one of the biggest mistakes. When you do this, you just let the dark yucky feeling sit inside you and poison how you react to life. So, good for you for seeing your gift and moving on.
My older daughter once told me that you have to like a tree. Sometimes you end up with dead branches that make it difficult for your life energy, but like a tree you have to learn to let go of what’s no longer healthy; that’s what becomes a dead branch.
Thanks for sharing your story and your thoughts, Wilma…I always appreciate when you stop by:~)
Sara, this photograph is magical. It’s like that bird is about to disappear into the background. I know I’ve made “mistakes” but off the top of my head I can’t think of any standouts to note here. I think I’m getting better at letting go and as you say, learning from them. Of course, that still doesn’t stop me from hesitating when I fear possibly making a new mistake. We sure do play games with ourselves don’t we?
.-= Davina´s last blog ..This Effortless Brilliance =-.
@ Davina — Maybe it’s a good thing that you can’t think of any mistakes! Perhaps, you’ve already remade them into gifts:~)
You bring up a very good point about mistakes — our fear of making them! This can be the ultimate mistake because we can’t learn if we don’t make mistakes, but that fear can keep us locked in it’s grasp.
I agree about playing games, but perhaps the key to this is knowing that we do play games with ourselves? Thanks for sharing your thoughts about this post:~)
wow, some cool blessings in disguise stories here!! a lot of time, since i started working in a new city, i’ve made mistake by my choice of route… but most of them ended up me finding out some cool places!! well, not as cool a story as yours but it’s what came first to my thought when u talked about mistakes turned gifts…
anyway, interesting post!! keep it up!! have fun!! cheers…
.-= dknypg83´s last blog ..Complications in a Relation – A Man’s Point of View =-.
@ dknypg83 — I like what Deb said about “happy mistakes.” Sometimes when you take the wrong road, you end up being someplace you really wanted to be. To me, that’s a “happy” mistake. Thanks for visiting and sharing your thoughts:~)
The man i married can’t read and write, I didn’t know that when I married him. And because I was more educated he had numerous affairs on me and became very abusive both mentally and physically. We had three children together and they’re grown now, and what is eating me now is why I stayed in the same house with this man for thirty some years.I’m very unhappy and it’s not getting any better. He didn’t even help me with his children when they were small.
@ Sandra — I don’t know your situation so I can’t really advise you on what to do. I will say that there are times when our situations can feel so hopeless and dark that we can’t see the people who want to help us. Look around you, is there someone or someplace that could help you get out this situation? No one should have to stay in a bad situation or feel stuck without hope.
Also, know that I will say my own prayers, and ask others to do the same, for you to find a way back to your happiness. I believe in you and that you can do this:~)
Now that me and my husband are older, he still want to go out as if he is still a young man, still disrespecting my feelings as always. Financial problems has always been a reason why I couldn’t do certain things, like get away from this man and not look back. I made a mistake marrying this man, we live in the house like roommates, and that’s the way it has been throughout the years of this marriage. I pray and ask god to please help me, because I’m slowly but surely dieing inside.