I’m changing things up this week. I’m making my Tuesday post a fiction post. Hopefully, you’ll have fun reading this one:~)
With impending doom, Alistair watched the woman approaching his table. She looked like a Dr. Seuss character with her short pink ruffled skirt, blue striped tights, and clunky orange clogs.
He begged the dating gods to let her pass, but they weren’t listening. The woman stopped at his table. “Hi, Alistair; I’m Jilly. You look just like your picture!”
She didn’t look like hers, but he decided it wouldn’t be polite to tell her so. He stood up, smoothed down his gray Armani suit and pulled a chair out. “It’s nice to meet you, Jilly. Please have a seat.”
She sat, pushing her pink ruffles under the table. He slunk down in his chair. This was going to be a long night.
The waiter arrived with the expensive Zinfandel Alistair had ordered and opened it.
“I took the liberty and ordered wine. I hope that’s okay, Jilly.”
She looked at him and said, “Well, actually I’d prefer a Shirley Temple.” Alistair froze, waiting for the punch line. It didn’t come.
The waiter’s voice oozed disdain, as he said, “Will that be with a straw or without, madam?”
“Oh, definitely with a straw.” Jilly gave the waiter a big smile. His eyes flashed pity for Alistair as he disappeared.
“What? You don’t like wine?” Alistair twirled his own glass so hard, it almost spilled.
“It’s okay. I like Shirley Temples better. They’re more fun.”
Alistair inwardly groaned. This was like a date with a ten-year-old.
Jilly’s drink arrived with its green umbrella and red cherry floating at the bottom. The waiter placed an unopened straw next to the drink and left.
Preoccupied, Alistair didn’t notice Jilly’s mischievous look as she opened the straw and put it between her cherry red lips. By the time his brain registered what she was about do, it was too late.
She puffed her cheeks out and blew. Alistair ducked. The straw cover sailed past him. He glared at her, but Jilly’s eyes followed the path of the disappearing straw cover.
A giggle popped out of her mouth. Alistair frowned. He was definitely getting a refund from loveisadateaway.com.
In a stage whisper, Jilly said, “Scoot over. You’re not going to believe this.”
Alistair took a sip of wine and made a life-changing decision. He slid his chair closer to Jilly. She grabbed his arm and said, “See that woman two tables over?”
He looked. The white straw cover was sticking out of a woman’s stiff hairdo, jiggling with her every word.
“Think it’ll fall, Alistair?” They watched it bob up and down, back and forth. It didn’t fall.
“Someone’s bound to tell her.” Alistair whispered. But no one did.
The people at the table glanced at the bobbing straw cover, but pretended as if nothing was wrong. Even the waiter ignored it as he served their food.
Struggling to control his laughter, Alistair said, “Wow. This is like being in a Groucho Marx movie”
Jilly glanced at him with surprise. “You like Groucho Marx? I do, too!”
They turned back. The woman had lowered her head, making the straw cover look like a flag pole bobbing in the wind.
That did it. Their laughter burst out, loud and noisy. Tears streamed from Alistair eyes. Jilly put her head on the table, slapping it with her hand.
Everyone in the restaurant stared at them, including the lady with bobbing straw.
The maître d’ headed in their direction. Alistair threw a hundred dollar bill on the table. He pulled Jilly out of the restaurant, but not before she grabbed the straw out of the woman’s hair.
People on the sidewalk stared and walked around the couple bent over in laughter. Eventually, Alistair got the hiccups.
“Jilly, this was (hic) the most fun (hic) I’ve had on a date (hic). Want go (hic) out tomorrow night? Alistair took a deep breath and held it, making his face red.
Jilly nodded and held the straw cover out like a cigar and waggled her eyebrows. Alistair forgot his hiccups. He pulled her to him and kissed her hard.
When they caught their breath, he said, “They’re playing Groucho Marx movies at the old theater on Fifth. Want to go tomorrow?”
Jilly smiled and said, “We can go for Shirley Temples afterwards.
“And definitely with straws!” Alistair added, his eyes sparkling. That started their laughter all over again.